Domestic Violence
Understanding the cycle of domestic violence — its signs, its myths, and the paths toward safety and healing.
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence (DV) is a pattern of behavior used by one partner to maintain power and control over another in an intimate relationship. It encompasses physical, sexual, emotional, financial, and digital abuse. DV can occur in any type of intimate relationship — married, unmarried, heterosexual, LGBTQ+, regardless of age, race, or socioeconomic background.
The core dynamic of domestic violence is not anger — it is control. Abusers use a range of tactics to dominate their partners and create an environment of fear and dependency. Understanding these tactics is essential for recognizing abuse, supporting survivors, and holding abusers accountable.
Tactics of Power & Control
The Duluth Power and Control Wheel identifies the primary tactics abusers use to maintain dominance over their partners.
Intimidation
Using looks, actions, gestures, smashing things, displaying weapons to instill fear
Emotional Abuse
Putting them down, making them feel bad about themselves, name-calling, playing mind games
Isolation
Controlling what they do, who they see and talk to, where they go
Minimizing, Denying & Blaming
Making light of abuse, saying it didn't happen, shifting responsibility
Using Children
Making them feel guilty about the children, using children to relay messages, threatening custody
Using Privilege
Treating them like a servant, making all the big decisions, acting like 'the boss'
Economic Abuse
Preventing them from working, taking money, controlling all finances
Coercion & Threats
Threatening to leave, commit suicide, make false reports, or use violence to get compliance
1 in 4
Women experience DV
Source: CDC
1 in 9
Men experience DV
Source: CDC
20/min
People affected in US
Source: NCADV
$8.3B
Annual healthcare costs
The economic toll of DV on the US healthcare system
Source: CDC
Warning Signs of Domestic Violence
Early recognition can save lives. These signs may indicate an abusive relationship.
Your partner controls where you go, who you see, or what you wear
You feel afraid of your partner's temper or reactions
Your partner checks your phone, email, or social media without permission
You have been physically hurt, pushed, grabbed, or threatened
Your partner humiliates or degrades you in front of others
You are prevented from working, going to school, or managing your own money
Your partner threatens to take the children or harm them
You are pressured or forced into sexual activity
Your partner blames their abusive behavior on alcohol, stress, or you
Threats have been made against pets, family members, or others you love
You feel increasingly isolated from your support network
You walk on eggshells trying to avoid triggering an incident
The Cycle of Abuse
Domestic violence often follows a predictable cycle. Understanding it helps explain why leaving is so difficult.
Tension Building
Stress and conflict accumulate. The victim senses danger and tries to avoid triggering an outburst. Communication becomes strained and the atmosphere becomes charged with anxiety.
Incident / Explosion
The abusive incident occurs — physical, emotional, sexual, or financial. The abuser loses control and inflicts harm. This may last minutes or hours.
Reconciliation / Honeymoon
The abuser apologizes, makes promises, buys gifts, shows affection, or minimizes what happened. This phase reinforces the victim's hope that change is possible.
Calm
A period of relative peace. The incident seems forgotten. Life feels normal, even good. Without intervention, the cycle repeats — often with increasing severity.
Note: Not all abusive relationships follow this exact cycle. Some have no “honeymoon” phase at all — abuse may simply escalate continuously.
Myths vs. Facts About Domestic Violence
These widespread myths create barriers for survivors and shield abusers from accountability.
Getting Help
If you are in an abusive situation, taking steps toward safety is possible — even when it feels impossible.
Recognize the Situation
Name what is happening. Abuse is not normal relationship conflict, and you are not to blame. Naming the reality is a powerful first step.
Create a Safety Plan
A safety plan helps you prepare for dangerous situations whether you are staying, planning to leave, or have already left. It includes escape routes, important documents, and people to contact.
Go to Safety Planning Guide →Reach Out for Help
Contact a trained advocate through the National DV Hotline (1-800-799-7233). They can help you understand your options, connect with local resources, and create a personalized plan.
Emergency Resources
Immediate danger? Call 911
National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (24/7, free, confidential)
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
LGBTQ+ National Hotline: 1-888-843-4564
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Safety is Your Right
No one deserves to live in fear. Help and healing are available — you do not have to face this alone.